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Much has been written about the “sandwich” generation, people of middle age taking on the challenges of caring for aging parents while at the same time meeting the needs of growing children.
But family challenges can be even more significant when the middle layer of the family sandwich is missing, leaving children in the care of their grandparents — and sometimes great-grandparents.
From its offices in Springfield, Urbana and Bellefontaine, WellSpring, a United Way Partner Agency, helps our community to support families facing these special challenges.
By doing so, it helps families tap into their own strength and resiliency and to succeed in amazing and inspiring ways.
Today, I thought I’d share with you the success stories of two special individuals from the top and bottom layers of the family sandwich in which the middle layer is missing.
Austin
A biography now describes Austin as a “curious and intelligent boy” of 5.
Neither of those qualities was apparent when he came to the attention of WellSpring counselors.
Abandoned by his mother at 18 months, Austin’s drug-involved father in turn left him with a series of people. Then, in the year before Austin began counseling, his father was arrested, ordered into rehabilitation, then released from rehab only to nearly die from a drug overdose before returning to rehab.
As a result, Austin had problems that plagued him around the clock. At night, his fears and insecurities came alive in nightmares that robbed him of his sleep and made him wet his bed. During the day, the anger rooted in his deep fear caused Austin to act aggressively to everyone around him, whether at home or school, with predictable results.
It was clear that he was the very kind of child who, if not helped, likely would have to have a jail cell built for him in 10-15 years.
His lifeline, as it turned out, was his great-grandmother. With her as what counselors call his “primary” attachment, Austin was able to tap into the incredible resilience children have.
With her love and patience — and the help of counselors — Austin began to make progress. His bed-wetting stopped. So did the nightmares. As he reached the point at which he could sleep alone and without fear, the aggressiveness that had poisoned his waking relationships and short-circuited his ability to learn disappeared.
Slowly but surely, the self that had been buried in hurt and anger emerged into the light of day.
“His behavior at school was so dramatically improved,” WellSpring reports, “that he progressed from being evaluated for special education to being at the head of his class (and) made up two years of reading level in one year.”
The result is that Austin now faces a very different future.
Amy
From the FASTWorks program WellSpring carries out in cooperation with schools, comes our second success story, this one from the older end of the generational divide.
Caring for three children and two grandchildren at the same time is not a job for which most women would apply. Nor did the woman in this story, whom we’ll call Amy.
Identified by the children’s school as someone who could use some support, counselors remember Amy arriving at a first meeting feeling so overwhelmed and discouraged that she was not sure if she could continue to care for all five children. At the same time, she also feared what might happen to the children if she gave up.
With encouragement, she attended the next meeting, and then the next.
A clinician was there to offer advice. But Amy found herself more encouraged by the other parents in the group, the “non-professionals” who had walked in the same shoes. They offered their encouragement and very practical advice, and by their example taught her two more valuable things: She was not the only one facing this problem and she was not facing it alone.
Amy graduated from the parenting program with all five children by her side and now attends meetings not only to get advice but to give advice to other parents struggling to provide what the best parents, grandparents an sometimes great-grandparents provide: the kind of stable home environment that gives children what they need to succeed in school.
We at United Way of Clark, Champaign and Madison Counties thank all of you whose contributions help WellSpring and our other partner agencies make these success stories possible and, in doing so, make our communities stronger.
Pedraza is the executive director United Way of Clark, Champaign and Madison Counties
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